Dear fellow neurodivergent woman,

Some days I feel like two completely different women live within me. One is a highly qualified research fellow at a prestigious university, and the other is a debauched Courtney Love (90s era). If autistic Hannah walked into a bar, she’d order water and leave ASAP. ADHD Hannah would order a Blue Wicked and tequila shot, dancing all night on the tables. This is AuDHD—two very different women in one mind and body.

AuDHD: A Complex Coexistence

Research suggests 50-70% of autistic individuals also have ADHD. It's a complex experience, even for those of us living it. One of us is ordered, quiet, and routine-loving; the other is a chaotic risk-taker with impulsive regrets. Lately, my ADHD side has been dominant, leading to a series of mishaps.

Misadventures in Skincare and Tea-Making

For two weeks, I unwittingly used face wash as a moisturiser. The similar consistency and near-identical jars fooled me. Even as my skin burned, I blamed winter. This oversight is peak ADHD. The chaos continued with tea. Three times, I found over-steeped tea. Finally brewing a proper cup, I forgot it, reheated it, then let it cool again. I contemplated reheating but feared it was unsafe. All that effort, and not a single sip enjoyed.

Lost and Found: The ADHD Shuffle

Around the house, I try putting on glasses already worn. I constantly misplace my phone, often finding it by my laptop, still displaying read notifications. Prepping for holiday, I impulsively bought 13 summer dresses, fearing I had nothing. Later, I discovered a box of forgotten summer clothes. Most annoyingly, I lost my lunch – held seconds before! Eventually, it reappeared on a side table, abandoned en route to something now forgotten. My ADHD symptoms aren't usually this extreme.

Hormones and the ADHD Rollercoaster

I suspected an accidental HRT overdose exacerbated my ADHD. I stumble upon articles about the interplay of neurodivergence, hormones, menopause, and chronic illness. It’s fascinating but overwhelming. I follow one thread, which branches into five, leaving me lost. Understanding these connections feels important but unachievable. Yesterday's ADHD & Women Summit in Manchester provided insights. Dr. Anneka Tomlinson, a University of Oxford researcher, explained estrogen's impact on ADHD symptoms. Reducing my estrogen after the overdose explains the symptom flare-up. I’d be mortified if anyone knew about my chaotic behaviour, so naturally, I'm sharing it her on my blog! Interestingly, amidst the chaos, my mood remains good. Fluctuating dopamine levels create a strange equilibrium. My brain thrives on unpredictability, finding joy and creativity amidst mishaps. However, there's a constant hum of dopamine-seeking.

The Sugar Rollercoaster: ADHD vs. Autism

Months ago, I followed the Glucose Goddess Protocol to combat sugar cravings impacting my energy and self-esteem. The cravings vanished for weeks, significantly lessening my ADHD symptoms. I'd read about sugar's effect on children's ADHD but hadn't connected it to adults. I thought I'd cracked a code. Then, period-induced Malteser cravings derailed everything, reviving impulsivity. Despite knowing healthier dopamine sources like walking and routines, the sugar spiral is hard to escape. In autistic mode, sugar is unthinkable. Willpower is irrelevant; I decide and remain unmovable.

The Internal Tug-of-War: Autism vs. ADHD

I favour autistic mode—it's effective. I assess goals (wellbeing, weight loss, writing), create researched plans, and follow them meticulously. Until I don't. My ADHD brain hates autistic structure, feeling bored and imprisoned. It screams for impulsivity—travel, sugar, Instagram, shopping, dates, quick dopamine. I manage this conflict by allowing manageable ADHD experiences. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. It's like solo volleyball, sprinting court-sides, hoping not to lose. It’s exhausting and upsetting.

Autistic Hannah vs. ADHD Hannah: A Lifelong Story

Young autistic Hannah was the quiet geek in top sets, wearing sensible clothes, reading in the library. ADHD Hannah was rebellious, mini-skirted, often detained for swearing, bunking off, or flirting with older boys. She left school GCSE-less. They were both me. Now, autistic Hannah wears natural fibers, eats whole foods (at specific times), walks daily, and attends carefully planned dinner parties. ADHD Hannah travels solo, overspends on clothes, eats processed foods and sweets, and can’t keep tidy. These personalities, seemingly incompatible, coexist within me—a fascinating yet challenging dynamic. Like roommates arguing about crumbs, forced to share an apartment forever.

Finding Balance: A Continual Quest

My ADHD was initially dominant, shaping my 20s and 30s. Now, I’m generally more autistic. I thought age or changing brain chemistry caused this, but research shows that peri-menopause/menopause can worsen ADHD. Dr. Anneka revealed HRT (increased estrogen) can reduce peri-menopausal women's ADHD symptoms. Perhaps this explains my reduced symptoms? Who knows? Maybe I’ll never know, and maybe that’s okay. Despite the trouble, I love my ADHD brain. It makes life rich, exciting, and wild. Two years post-AuDHD discovery, I’m still learning. Life is getting more manageable, but balancing these two aspects of myself is a continual quest.

Some other posts you'll like:

1. Why Proactive Rest is a Great Strategy for Neurodiverse Women
2. The Gift Of Hyperfocus: It's an Outstanding Business Strength
3. Why We Need To Overcome Shiny Object Syndrome
4. I Wouldn't Be Successful Without Help From Others